Thursday, June 23, 2011

I Will Try To Fix Myself

Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


A few weeks ago I had emotional breakdown. And I believe I still am.
How could this happen?

I've been busy with work. So little time, so much to do!
I'm kinda not 'IN' with my current job. Whoever knows me, documentation is SO NOT ME!
Therefore, gua stressssssssssssssss gilaaaaa....

Since I have 2 little kids, I am not willing to stay back late.
Balik rumah penat, kena masak2 and melayan anak2. Also gave me headache.

My kids are priority. Diorang ni pulak jenis kalau tak sihat berganti2.
So I have to take care of them, bergilir2. Dan sometimes, I got sick too.. Means, no rest.
Worst, I took a lot of EL and MC.
Masuk lambat toksah cerita la.

And there are also some reasons that I cannot mention here.
Better keep it to myself.
Whoever knows, they know.

But, those lead to my emotional breakdown.
I feel exhausted.

SO I took just took a month off from my job.
Spend some time with my precious.
And do things I'd love to do: watch movies, masak2..

And then I realize.
I want to be at home.
Taknak bangun pagi2 siap2 pegi keja opis.
I love being hug and cuddled by my kids early morning.
Mandikan diorg. Siapkan diorg.
Only then I sent them to nursery kalau ada hal nak dibuat hari tu.
Or when I need a day for myself.

Simply said, I just can't commit to be in office fulltime.

(Note to myself: Agak menyesal jugak la quit ngan S*** yg work from home tu.
But as I said, I can't commit to something that I just don't like doing it)

Dipendekkan cerita, saya nekad hantar resignation letter.
Walaupun dalam kepala risau tentang loans dan hutang2 lain yang perlu dibayar.
Juga bil-bil.
Tapi saya tawakal.
Sekurang2nya saya dah tak perlu rasa bersalah kalau terpaksa amik cuti dan menyusahkan orang lain.

Saya nak tengok anak2 saya membesar depan mata.
Mungkin saya still akan hantar ke nursery sekali-sekala.
Kejam tak kalo camtu? Hehehe..

So, my last day will be this 30th June.
Lepas tu, semuanya masih samar2.
Insya Allah, rezeki ada di mana2.

Dan satu perkara lagi, apa2 pun, berbalik kepada Yang Satu.
I admit, I am not a good Muslim.
Thank you hubby, you keep reminding me and please continue that!

Wish me the very best of luck!

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